I’ve been with my husband for more than a dozen years. We first got together in our mid 20s, when both of us were still living with our parents and trying to figure out what to do with our lives. Early on, in cars, on living room couches, and pretty much anywhere we thought we wouldn’t get caught. We latched on to the giddiness of a new relationship and let our 20-something hormones guide us.
Fast forward eight years. During that time we both went back to school. I changed career paths. We finally bought a house, and a year later we got married. And then we stopped having sex.
It wasn’t a conscious decision. Like many couples, our lives just got busy. We were tired. We were overworked. We’d be “up for it” at different times. One of us would be wide awake while the other couldn’t keep their eyes open. It started to feel like any physical intimacy was forced and we were doing it because we thought we should, rather than because we wanted to.